Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash
Originally written in 2013. Edited for clarity and reflection in 2025.
I haven’t blogged in a while—life has been wild these past few months. Today, I’m moving back across the country to California. I always sensed New York City was temporary, a powerful detour in my journey rather than a final destination.
The signs were there. First, my 11-year-old son, after spending a year with me in New York, didn’t want to return. After a summer in San Diego, he was adamant about staying. Then, my apartment lease ended in September—no renewal, just a clean break. And then came the dream. It was so vivid, symbolic, and emotionally potent that I couldn’t ignore it. That dream sealed the decision I had been circling for months.
Something shifted in me during my study abroad in Italy. Being in a slower, more soulful environment helped me reconnect with my creative core. It snapped me out of the NYC hustle and reminded me of who I was underneath the noise.
New York changed me, though. It challenged me to grow—mentally, emotionally, and professionally. I healed financially, rebuilt myself, and emerged from a depression that had gripped me since 2008. For all its chaos, New York helped me rediscover my strength. But I knew it was time to go.
The Dream
I was in an apartment with one of my old friends and roommate from San Francisco. And then there was a third roommate, a girl who was dead at first and only her top half was visible, she was detached from the bottom of her ribs, and her bottom half was somewhere else. And then we somehow found her bottom and attached it back to her body and she started moving. She got up and started walking around wobbly and was like a harmless zombie bumping into the walls until finally she was exhausted and fell over. I told my roommate I can’t deal with this it’s too much so I left and drove off because I was going to my interview for my new job. And I drove my car only it was manual and not automatic–- and I was going up and down hills through streets that were a combination of San Francisco and San Diego. Adjusting the shift of the car when it was too high I would downshift to get a better momentum going up the hilly streets. Then for some reason I stop at a cafe for a doughnut because I was hungry and that’s all I order. And I look up the directions of the interview on my phone. Then my friend calls me to tell me he’s waiting to interview me and to take my time. Then he picks me up in this big van with comfy seats and there are tiers of rows stacked above each other. He was on the higher tier of the row of seats and I tried to pick a seat and I almost sat on the first level but then I joined him at the top tier and I said this is better and comfortable and I can see everything now. And I told him about the weird situation with the dead roommate and how I was fearful that if I didn’t get away I would be next too. And then he just listened and drove me off to my destination. And that was it.
Honestly, dreams are so weird! Sometimes my dreams are so random.
After reflecting with friends, I understood the symbolism. That dead roommate was me. My creativity and movement—cut off. The top half: my conscious self. The bottom half: the freedom to move, to live fully. I was stuck in a job that didn’t nurture my growth. I was emotionally divided—my body in New York, my spirit in California. That dream gave me the nudge I needed.
Dreams have always guided me. I’ve seen moments in dreams before they happened. Once, I dreamed of a house in San Francisco and even spoke to my future landlady—by name—in the dream. Later, when I found her listing on Craigslist, everything aligned like Deja vu. It was meant to be. (More on this dream later)
I’ve known for a while that I wanted to pivot into animation. That’s what I studied—Visual Development—and it’s what I’m most passionate about. I just didn’t know when the shift would come. My old job had no room for growth, and deep down I knew I was playing small. Still I was fearful to give up a stable paycheck but I took the leap.
One of my mentors helped me see the bigger picture. While older generations stayed with one company for decades, our generation flows with creative cycles—jumping from project to project, seeking challenge, purpose, and transformation. And that’s okay.
I never expected to leave New York so soon, but I’ve learned to trust the signs. When things stop feeling right, we have to listen. The mind might resist, but the spirit always knows. Trust your intuition. Pay attention to your dreams. They’re not just strange stories—they’re roadmaps to the life you’re meant to live.
